Anti-Valentine’s Day

Hi friends! Happy Valentine’s Day! Or if you’re single like me, Happy Feb 14th AKA Day-Before-All-Chocolate-Goes-On-Sale-At-CVS 🙂 🙂 🙂

If you read my last post on why dating in NYC is the absolute worst… THANK YOU! I was so overwhelmed by the amount of people who read/commented/shared/messaged me about it – it was my highest-read post since I started The Laughing Blonde ❤ As it turns out (thought not at all shocking), it’s not just guys in NYC that suck – it’s a world-wide epidemic. I had so many comments from my readers telling me about their crazy stories, and I thought you all deserved to get a laugh in today so with their permission, I’m sharing some of my favorites below. Aside from a good laugh and a few eye rolls, my main reason for posting all of this is for everyone who’s reading to understand that it’s not just you. I used to think that if I was prettier, or slimmer or worked in a different industry that all of my dating issues would disappear and men would be falling over left and right to date me. The women who messaged me are all completely different shapes/sizes/colors who come from different backgrounds and have different careers and as it turns out, none of that matters. Dating is hard, but it has nothing to do with anything about you! So don’t let it dull your sparkle – try and hold out hope for the random unicorn guy who comes in and is ready to love you the way you deserve.

In the meantime, let’s all commiserate with a few of the poor women who’ve suffered through some of these nightmares..


The One Where The Guys Had Similar Tastes

“I was hanging out with one of my Bumble victims on his couch watching TV, and headlights appeared in the driveway. He casually says, “My roommate is about to bring a random girl home, so I apologize.” I had met his roommate previously, and I thought he was very attractive. Tall, blonde, tattoos. What’s a girl not to like? I was sure he could get any girl in the bar he wanted, so I was curious who was about to walk through that door.

Minutes later, the roommate and this girl walk into the house, and I could not believe my eyes. I KNEW HIS ROOMMATE’S DATE FROM WORK! We both looked at each other started laughing and hugged. The guys just looked at each other and were so confused. Their faces were completely priceless. The girl and I just started laughing, hugged each other, and started chatting. The guys were like “What the f**k?” It was definitely the best moment of my Bumble experience.” – Sam, CT

The One With The Cheapskate 

“All my dates have been brutal. But the worst was when the guy made us split the bill when I had a salad and he was downing whiskey and eating a steak. Idiot. His name was Joe. Generic AF.” – Elisabeth, NYC

The One With The Borderline Stalker

“Dating horror story – went on one date with this guy. Had a good time. Enjoyed him quite a bit. After a day or two, he said he wasn’t interested. I got over it but the next week, he comes back around in text messages wanting to get together. I said a polite “thanks but no thanks” since I wasn’t good enough for him the week before. He proceeds to harass me and tell me that I’m missing out on the best thing ever and that I’m the one who pushed him away the week before. So he harassed me on text, Snapchat and Instagram for an entire day telling me that I was in the wrong. Basically he couldn’t handle being turned down EVEN THOUGH HE DID THE SAME FUCKING THING THE WEEK BEFORE. So I had to block him and then worry he was going to come to my house and hurt me. Because being a girl is the worst.” –Alyssa, PA


 

I’m thinking of turning this into a series or something, because I keep getting messages with stories and they’re too good not to share! Have some of your own? Comment them below or email to me! xo, AJ

Here’s Why Dating in NYC is the Actual Worst

Hi friends. I come to you tonight with little rage in my chest. I am seething. And you know why? Because dating in NYC is the fucking worst! And you know why that is? Because MEN are the FUCKING WORST. Follow me, won’t you?

I’ll admit it, I was very, very spoiled in my last relationship. Patrick was a complete and total gentleman when we were first seeing each other, and asked me to be his girlfriend after only 4 dates. You know why? Because he didn’t want to play games. He was worried that if he waited too long, he would miss his shot. THAT, my friend, is a man. Did things work out for us? For a little over a year, they did. We really only broke up because of distance and because we didn’t agree on a few major lifestyle changes that would need to be compromised on. But he certainly respected, valued and cared for me the entire time. And not ONCE did he not text me back. Not. Once.

So it’s almost like I feel bad for the men of New York to have to compete against this, except I don’t feel bad at all because how Patrick acted is how all men should act because that is what I like to call HUMAN DECENCY. Unfortunately, the wonderful (HA) island of Manhattan seems to be seriously lacking in that right now. And you know what? I’m thinking it’s time that I expose them all. I’m here to spill some serious tea. Ready for it?

First up, we have Mike. A 26 year old teacher + coach from NJ that I met on Hinge. Before you judge me, literally every single person I know in this city is on Hinge/The League/ Bumble/ Etc. so BYE. Ok so yes, Mike and I met on Hinge and even though he lives 30 minutes away in Jersey, he offered to come to my neighborhood to go out to dinner. I didn’t really care one way or the other about it, but he was cute and I’m always down for a free meal, so I went. And I was so happy I did! He was even cuter in person, he held my hand when we left the restaurant, and he kissed me goodnight – it gave me butterflies! Over the next two weeks, Mike came to see me 3 more times. Sure, he wasn’t a great texter, but driving an hour roundtrip to see me four times in 12 days has to count for something, right? Especially when I wasn’t sleeping with him. We went out to dinner, went out to an arcade-type bar, went bowling, etc. He even agreed to watch The Bachelor with me every Monday. Did he make attempts to get into my LuLu Lemons? Of course he did. But I said that I don’t do that unless I’m exclusive with someone. So Mike tells me he’s not talking to any other girls. Music to my ears ladies. For our fifth date, I drove out to see him. We watched a movie, watched The Bachelor and yup – we hooked up. It just felt right! Wanna know what happened after that? I’m guessing you already know, because Mike is a man and as I’ve mentioned, men are the WORST. *SPOILER ALERT* Mike ignored me for two days. Ugh, such a cliche. So I called him out on it. Told him it was super uncool to do that. And to his credit, he responded. And tried to be ~nice~ about it. You know what’s not nice though? Saying 5 dates in that you’re not looking for anything long term. That you’ve felt that way since before you even met me. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are two screenshots of an actual conversation between Mike and I today. I SHIT YOU NOT, KIDS.

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He’s right about one thing, I can certainly do a lot better than him. You know, it’s funny. I was having this conversation with him and crying my eyes out because I was feeling emotional and stupid and second-guessing everything that had happened between us so I called my mom to vent. And she’s the one who encouraged me to write this post and put this guy on blast. She called it “Taylor Swifting” him. Mom, you are the fucking BEST.

Also, here are two actual Bumble messages I received today. It turns out it’s not just Mike who sucks super hard. It’s men as a species. Ladies, remember that the next time you’re feeling like you’re not good enough. It’s truly the men who are so wildly unworthy.

 

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Ok Josh, what part about the section in my bio that explicity says “If you really wanna impress me, try holding a conversation without sneaking in any sexual innuendos. 9/10 guys on here can’t” makes you think I’d be down for this? UGH.

And then we have James, who honestly sounds like he needs counseling, not Bumble. James, I’m rooting for you, bud.

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Anways, there’s so much more where this came from, but I’ll save it for a rainy day. I feel like a Kardashian right now, with all my receipts. Whatevs. I’m off to take a bubble bath and eat a carton of Coconut Bliss because I’M STILL ON FREAKING WHOLE30 AND CAN’T EVEN PROPERLY FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF AND CRY INTO A PINT OF BEN AND JERRYS.

Santa That’s My Only Wish This Year

So this really odd thing happened to me. I closed my eyes for a sec and when I opened them, it was already December 6th. What?!

It’s gotten to that point where my mom has already asked for the first round of my Christmas list. If our moms are anything alike, then you already know that my mom asks for my list multiple times throughout the month of December, because even though I’m either emailing it or texting it (read: HOW ARE YOU LOSING THE LIST MOM!?), she still manages to stay asking me for it up until Christmas Eve. The disorganization is mind-blowing, but she still manages to get stuff wrapped and under the tree in time, bless her heart. Which is more than I can say for some people – I once was texting my then-boyfriend on Christmas morning asking how his Christmas was going and what he had gotten. His response? “Idk yet, my mom is still wrapping it.” OMG BYE. My anxiety would be through the room at that point.

Anyways, as I was sending my mom my list, I wanted to share some gifting inspo with you guys. I frequently find myself googling, “good gifts for 20-somethings” because I forget what I even want to ask for half of the time. The struggle thooo. Also, including some discount codes for you in case something strikes ya fancy 😉

My Holiday Wish List 2017

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1. Custom Pet Portrait 2. Unicorn Tears Gin (also comes in Vodka) 3. Function of Beauty Custom Hair Care 4. Lauren Conrad Handbag 5. Apple Airpods 6. Framebridge Custom Framing 7. Lulu Lemon Sports Bra 8. Chunky Knit Blanket 9. Nora NYC Sunglasses 10. What Do You Meme 11. My Urban Oasis Subscription Box 12. Soda Stream 13. Clue – Golden Girls Edition

Deals & Codes

Function of Beauty: Purchase through my link and get $5 off of your order. I truly love this stuff – you can read my full review of it here.

Framebridge: Use code *blonde15* for 15% off of your order! I purchased several of these for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day – you can read the review here.

Nora NYC Sunglasses: Use code *lauhgingblonde* for 10% off of your order!

My Urban Oasis Subscription Box: Use Code *TLB20* for 20% off of your first box! This is a really cool subscription box (tailor-made for you NYC ladies!) that has products + gift certificates included for restaurants, workout classes, museums etc. in the city. I highly recommend checking it out if you’re in the area.

 

Holiday Gift Guide – Girlfriends Edition

Hi guys! First off, I want to thank those of you who voted in my Instagram polls last week – thank you so much! Your feedback on what content you prefer makes my job so much easier, and makes it so that I’m able to work on things that you like seeing!

That said, this post is going to be the first in a series of posts coming in the next few weeks for gift guides. And, because I find this category especially fun to shop for, the Girlfriends’ Gift Guide is up first!

Girlfriends Gift Guide

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  1. Work It Out Exercise Mat  2. Olivia Burton After Dark Leather Strap Watch  3. Sugarfina Mini Martini Shaker & Candy Gift Set  4. Rose Hibiscus Hydrating Face Mist  5. Glitter Bomb Tumblers  6. Lauren Conrad Travel Rescue Kit  7. Diptyque Roses Scented Candle  8. Rose Gold Pineapple Shot Glasses  9. Sparkling Holiday Candy Bento Box  10. Winky Lux Flower Balm  11. BECCA Champagne Dream Lip & Highlighter Duo

The Ultimate Holiday Bucket List for 2017

Hi friends! Can you believe we’re already singing Christmas carols again? Personally, this is nothing new for me, as I watch The Santa Clause and Home Alone at least once every few months throughout the year, and I find myself listening to Spotify’s Christmas playlist as early as June. I mean really – is there every really a time too early to listen to Mariah Carey’s Christmas Classic? I THINK NOT!

I know this is a hot button issue for a lot of you, but what do you think about the timing of decorations going up? I typically try to hold off until after Thanksgiving, but this year I couldn’t help myself – I threw the lights up about week before Turkey day. Though I did feel less guilty, considering some of you had yours up as soon as the Halloween candy was put out at 50% off at the Duane Reads, you crazies!

All that said, there’s always so much I want to do each year to get in the spirit, yet I somehow let it all get away from me between the holiday shopping and the Christmas parties and the ABC Family (I refuse to truly refer to them as Freeform) 25 Day’s of Christmas marathons. So this year, I’ve created a bucket list for us to keep track + maybe even provide a little inspo of ideas! I’ve created a printable PDFd version as well, so you can download it for yourself! Click Here to Download 🙂

Check out the list + let me know what you think! And, as always, send me a message with any traditions you love for the holidays that haven’t been included. xo, AJ

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