Hey what’s up helloooo friends!
If you’ve been following me for a while (bless your heart, you’ve seen my crazy and you’re still here, LOVE YOU MEAN IT), then you know I’ve had more than my fair share of dating disasters. From gross/WAY over the line Bumble messages, to guys ghosting, to getting dumped after getting intimate, I’ve experienced it all. Don’t recall? See here and here for past posts on it (I HAVE RECEIPTS, FRIENDS).The start of 2018 was a real bitch for my dating life, I’ll tell you that much. There is comfort, though, in knowing that I’m not alone. Not that I want any of you lovelies to be miserable and crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s by yourself (what no that never happened to me…). It’s just that I know it can sometimes feel like you’re always playing defense when it comes to dating, and I think it’s time that we start learning some O-line plays, ya feel me?
I’ve thrown together some quick tips + tricks that I, along with some of you who submitted these to me, have found to be successful. May the odds be ever in your favor, babe.
- “Hey handsome”. I can’t give you the scientific reason behind why this works, other than that men love to be flattered. I mean, I don’t hate being called beautiful, so I imagine that it works both ways, right? This seems so dumb and simple, but hear me out. I met an ex on Bumble and in his profile it said something along the lines of, “don’t just say hey, I won’t respond”. So I spiced it up and did the LEAST I possibly could. Clearly it worked, because we dated for a year. You’re welcome.
- “Hey! So you’re really cute and tbh I wish I could think of something clever to make me stand out but I’m drawing blanks sooo hi haha.” – Again, I have no idea why this works but it does. I used to mass message this to guys and the response rate was through the roof. I told my friends about it and it worked for them too – try it out and tell me how it goes!
- STOP PUTTING SO MANY PICTURES WITH YOUR FRIENDS UP. I cannot stress this enough. At one point I was actually self conscious of my profile because it was only pictures of me and it seemed like all my girlfriends had pictures of them with friends up there. Did I seem friendless? Or did I seem like a narcissist? I threw my phone up to countless guy friends to have them look it over and they all said the same thing – it’s better when it’s just you. There’s nothing fun for a guy having to play a guessing game of which girl you actually are. And what if they match with you because they like a girl that’s not actually you?? Avoid the confusion.
- When it Comes to Your Profile, Be Honest. There’s nothing worse when it comes to dating than when you show up for a date and the guy looks absolutely nothing like he does on his profile. It’s actually the reason why I show up early to every first date, because I’m worried I won’t recognize the person and how awkward is that? Obv you should put up pictures of yourself that look cute and show you off in a positive light, but going overboard is unnecessary. Keep it light with the photoshops/filters, and be honest in your bio. Do you know how many times I had
guys freak out on dates because I told them I don’t enjoy drinking alcohol? Too many (I’m embarrassed for them). So I legit started including it in my profile so automatically weed out any potential alcoholics coming down the pipeline.
- It’s a Numbers Game. I live by the motto of, “swipe now, decide later”. If I’m unsure on if I think a guy is someone I’d for sure want to go out with, I swipe right anyway. There’s 3 things that can happen after that. 1) He doesn’t swipe you back, so this whole thing is moot anyways. 2) He swipes you back and you decide you don’t like him. Big deal, you just don’t message him. 3) He swipes you back and you DO like him and you guys message and go out. I feel like some of my friends are SO picky and it’s like uhmm sorry but Chris Hemsworth isn’t on Bumble so who exactly are you looking for???
- There are Apps Aside from Bumble. Ok yeah so I know Tinder still exists but like, it shouldn’t. It was fun in college when this was all brand new but now I feel like it’s just filled with the creepy leftovers who don’t get responded to on Bumble and it just gets weird. Idk, not for me. I do, however, like Hinge. A lot. I don’t love that the free version only gives you a few swipes per day, so I actually paid the $7 a month or whatever for unlimited swipes and I found that it was worth it. There’s more info on there, you can filter your potential matches by things like whether or not they smoke, if they want kids, their height, how often they drink, whatever. It seems like you’d find someone a bit more compatible that way. I’ve also tried out The League. I didn’t love it. Again, you only get like, 3-5 potential matches per day, and if you pay, it’s something like $30-$40 a month. And I’ve found that the guys on there tend to be cocky and full of themselves. I can find those guys just by walking down Wall Street or hitting up the Surf Lodge, I don’t need an app to help me with that. Pass.
- Actually Go Out On Dates. I’m not sure why this is such a foreign concept, but chances are that if you’re on a dating app, one would assume you actually want to go out on dates. I’m not looking for a pen pal here my guy, so tell me when we’re meeting up, or you’ll find yourself unmatched. Even if you go and don’t have the *best time ever*, it’s still a good way to throw some grease on the wheels and brush up on your dating skills.
- Have an Escape Route. I can count on ONE HAND the number of first dates I’ve been on where I didn’t have an escape route. What do I mean by this? I started 95% of my dates with, “I have XYZ to do in an hour and a half so I just need to make sure I pay attention to the clock”. Why is this so important? Have you ever been stuck on a first date that you hated and there was NO END IN SIGHT? Well I have, and it was UGLY. After that, I made sure to have an escape plan. And if it turned out things were going well, then guess what? Omg my plans were magically cancelled! Amazing!
It’s a tough world out there ladies, but I’m confident we can handle this. Do you have any tips/tricks for digital dating? Send them my way! xo, AJ