I’ve officially been calling NYC home for four years. CAN YOU BELIEVE?! And before any of you snobs get on my case for the fact that I moved out to Jersey City last summer, grab a spoon (hi toasters), because JC is considered the NYC metro area so therefore it still counts kthanksbye.
I could go on for HOURS about what I’ve learned since living here, but here’s what’s important.
- I convinced myself the first 2 and a half years that there would never be a mouse in my apartment. I was wrong. Twice. TBH, as long as I don’t see them, I’m fine with pretending they’re not there. I legit announce myself when walking into my apartment and give any potential mice a 10 second head start. We’re learning to live with it.
- There’s no such thing as having a lot of money in NYC. Even if you make a lot of money, you end up spending it. It’s a weird, sick cycle. Think you’ll save a lot if you make $100k+ a year? Wrong. You’ll blow it on spending $3k + a month on rent because you just had to have the extra bathroom space.
- Speaking of apartments, apartment hunting is an absolute joke. If you see a place that you don’t completely hate and won’t force you to live on ramen 75% of the month, SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE MY FRIEND. You have about 30 seconds to fork over the deposit, first month’s rent, and broker fee before somebody comes along and snatches it right from your hands. It’s the hunger games out here.
- Subways have been, still are and always will be the easiest way to get around in the city. Am I guilty of getting an Uber because I’m too lazy to get on the Subway and possibly have to stand in case I don’t get a seat? Yes. Does it take me 20 minutes longer to get to my destination? Also yes. Does it cost me at least $20 every time I’m this lazy? Yes, at a minimum. Take the subway.
- Moving is such a bitch. Trust me on this. I’ve moved four times now, and it has 100% sucked each and every time. If you can stay in your apartment, DO IT.
- If you absolutely cannot stay in your apartment, suck it up and higher movers. Or at the very least, hire a couple guys off Task Rabbit for a few hours. You’re going to be spending money to move either way and having (semi) professionals there to help you will save you from a dramatic amount of blood, sweat and tears. I tried to move by myself once and I can assure you, it will NEVER happen again.
- I’ve lived here for four years, and I simply cannot understand the hysterics surrounding cockroaches. It’s a bug dude, hit it with your shoe and flush it down the toilet. Grow a pair and move on.
- Speaking of things that are scary, I feel like my tolerance has quadrupled in terms of what has any effect on me anymore. To this day, the grosses thing I’ve seen is a tie between a homeless man ~pleasuring~ himself in front of me on the subway, and a homeless woman straight up squatting over the subway tracts and pooping onto them in front of a family of now-scarred german tourists. Literally nothing phases me anymore.
- Your corner bodega will be the most convenient place for you to buy groceries, but also the most expensive. Four years here, and I’ve yet to understand how they decide to price things the way they do. Sorry, but I’m can’t justify paying $6.50 for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at your store one week, and then $7.75 the next. Like what? that much inflation in 7 days? Nahhh, my man. Just go to Duane Reade for the essentials.
- Dating in this city is such a joke. Like yeah I know guys suck pretty much everywhere, but they’re at least 15-20% douchier in New York. That does NOT mean I advise against dating – quite the contrary. Building up my dating resume in NYC has made me emotionally tougher, built up my confidence (after having it torn down repeatedly), and helped me sort out what it is that I want in a guy. I can now successfully spot red flags from miles away (LOL still don’t pay attention to them tho…). No joke, I’ve probably been on 20-30 first dates in the last couple of years, and I’m sorta close to mastering them. Pro tip: ALWAYS put a time limit on your first date. There’s nothing worse than being excited to go out with someone, getting there and not vibing, and then realizing you’re forced to spend hours with this person with no end in sight. Put. A. Limit. On. It. You’ll thank me later.
- There are literally thousands of cool things to do, no matter what day or time it is. I’ve gone trapezing off of Chelsea Piers, attended a massive Rosé picnic on Governor’s Island, been a part of the World’s Largest Champagne Toast, and I’m running in the NYC marathon this November. My biggest tip? Take advantage of every minute you have.
- My friends are my lifeline. I don’t have a massive group of friends in New York, but I do have a small group of truly quality girls that have made this last four years worth every second. They’re a huge part of why I didn’t end up moving to Boston or California. I have best friends that don’t live in the city, and our bond is incredibly strong. But my girls in New York understand my life in a different way, a way that you couldn’t know unless you’ve lived it yourself. It’s impossible to express how grateful I am or how lucky I feel to have landed a group of friends like them. If you should get so lucky, hold on to them for dear life.