Privacy as a Blogger

I’m almost embarrassed as I’m writing this, because calling myself a blogger can sound lame sometimes. To be clear, I’m not embarrassed that I blog – I LOVE it, and I started this whole thing as a way to express myself in a creative way, and because it was cathartic for me to write out my thoughts and feelings. My friend calls refers to it as downloading my feelings, which I love! The part that makes me uncomfortable is that I’m nowhere near being a famous blogger (which I’m totally ok with and I own it!), and I think that sometimes it can come across as obnoxious when I talk about blogging, because I don’t want to make myself sound like I think I’m super cool. Does that even make sense? Anyways, I’m working on it.

When it comes to sharing my blog with people I know personally, I have mixed feelings about it. I’m very transparent with what I share on here, and rarely hold back on details when I’m sharing a personal story with you. I don’t typically hide the fact that I’m a blogger – my family and friends know, and I share my favorite posts on my personal Facebook and Snapchat so that people I know can read them. I do keep my Instagram accounts separate, but that’s mostly because I like posting pictures with my family and friends, and not all of them are comfortable with those photos being shared with the entire world. The way I see it, the people who care about me won’t judge me for what I write because I stay true to who I am as a person through my posts, so nothing really surprises them. And as for the people who I’m not close with? Well, I don’t really care what they think, so it doesn’t bother me if they judge what I’m writing about. Actually, one of the nicest things ever is when people I know from high school but weren’t really close with reach out unexpectedly to let me know that they read my blog and that they love the content. It makes me SO happy!

There is, however, a gray area.

Last week, my personal nightmare finally happened. Like I said, I don’t typically care about people I know seeing what’s on here, although I do try to censor things on occasion (my grandma reads this, after all!). Not to sound like a basic bitch, but my mom happens to think I’m pretty great and tells anybody who will listen how great she thinks my blog is and how they should all follow me, so I’m used to having people at the hair salon we go to commenting on a post from a few weeks ago, or for her friends to follow @TheLaughingBlonde on Instagram. What I was not prepared for was for someone who I’d only been on a couple dates with to find my blog.

Yes, you read that correctly. TBH, he’s probably reading this right now and I’m sure I’ll get a text about how I’m finally writing about him, since he was apparently looking forward to that. We’d just gone out on our second date the night before, and I’d texted to ask if he wanted to do something later that week. He said something really odd, along the lines of, “I don’t want you to expect to be my girlfriend in four dates, no matter how badly I want to get into your Lulu Lemons.” I was super confused and told him I wasn’t following. And about 20 seconds later, my heart practically stopped, because he texted back, “Sorry – blog references”. I. WANTED. TO. DIE. On the spot. Just die. No questions asked. Because I immediately knew what he was referring to – it was my latest post on why dating in NYC was the worst, and a step-by-step recount of me basically ripping apart a guy that had just ended things with me. Not exactly the thing you want the cute guy who you like but have only hung out with twice to find. NOPE.

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Literally me when I saw that text

Luckily, he was really cool about it. He thought it was funny, more than anything else. I’m not entirely convinced that he doesn’t think I’m somewhat of a psycho, but we did go out again after he found this, so there’s hope still. I’m still not sure how he found it to begin with and knew it was mine, but I’m also really impressed bc clearly he’s as talented of an internet stalker (and I mean that in the best way) as I am. As you know, I pride myself in being borderline FBI-level, and this impressed me.

Even though I’ve had The Laughing Blonde for over a year now, I still haven’t totally figured out how to completely own it and be proud of it 100% of the time, if I’m being honest. Sometimes I do get embarrassed when one of my friends proudly refers to me as The Laughing Blonde or my mom posts a cute picture of the two of us with the caption, “Brunching in NY with the infamous blogger The Laughing Blonde”. And that’s so silly, because this is something that I care about and that I work hard on – why shouldn’t I be proud of it? Something I’m going to really focus on this year is owning who I am instead of shying away from it. I feel like that’s the only way I can continue to grow the blog and put out content that people can actually benefit from. And I want to make sure that I’m creating content that you love!

So that said, I need to know what you love and what you don’t love. What you want to see more of and what you want to see less of. Do you like hearing about Whole 30 recipes I’m loving, or do you want to hear more about bad dating stories? Let me know – send me an email, post a comment, or slide into my DMs – I’m all ears!

xo, AJ

Anti-Valentine’s Day

Hi friends! Happy Valentine’s Day! Or if you’re single like me, Happy Feb 14th AKA Day-Before-All-Chocolate-Goes-On-Sale-At-CVS 🙂 🙂 🙂

If you read my last post on why dating in NYC is the absolute worst… THANK YOU! I was so overwhelmed by the amount of people who read/commented/shared/messaged me about it – it was my highest-read post since I started The Laughing Blonde ❤ As it turns out (thought not at all shocking), it’s not just guys in NYC that suck – it’s a world-wide epidemic. I had so many comments from my readers telling me about their crazy stories, and I thought you all deserved to get a laugh in today so with their permission, I’m sharing some of my favorites below. Aside from a good laugh and a few eye rolls, my main reason for posting all of this is for everyone who’s reading to understand that it’s not just you. I used to think that if I was prettier, or slimmer or worked in a different industry that all of my dating issues would disappear and men would be falling over left and right to date me. The women who messaged me are all completely different shapes/sizes/colors who come from different backgrounds and have different careers and as it turns out, none of that matters. Dating is hard, but it has nothing to do with anything about you! So don’t let it dull your sparkle – try and hold out hope for the random unicorn guy who comes in and is ready to love you the way you deserve.

In the meantime, let’s all commiserate with a few of the poor women who’ve suffered through some of these nightmares..


The One Where The Guys Had Similar Tastes

“I was hanging out with one of my Bumble victims on his couch watching TV, and headlights appeared in the driveway. He casually says, “My roommate is about to bring a random girl home, so I apologize.” I had met his roommate previously, and I thought he was very attractive. Tall, blonde, tattoos. What’s a girl not to like? I was sure he could get any girl in the bar he wanted, so I was curious who was about to walk through that door.

Minutes later, the roommate and this girl walk into the house, and I could not believe my eyes. I KNEW HIS ROOMMATE’S DATE FROM WORK! We both looked at each other started laughing and hugged. The guys just looked at each other and were so confused. Their faces were completely priceless. The girl and I just started laughing, hugged each other, and started chatting. The guys were like “What the f**k?” It was definitely the best moment of my Bumble experience.” – Sam, CT

The One With The Cheapskate 

“All my dates have been brutal. But the worst was when the guy made us split the bill when I had a salad and he was downing whiskey and eating a steak. Idiot. His name was Joe. Generic AF.” – Elisabeth, NYC

The One With The Borderline Stalker

“Dating horror story – went on one date with this guy. Had a good time. Enjoyed him quite a bit. After a day or two, he said he wasn’t interested. I got over it but the next week, he comes back around in text messages wanting to get together. I said a polite “thanks but no thanks” since I wasn’t good enough for him the week before. He proceeds to harass me and tell me that I’m missing out on the best thing ever and that I’m the one who pushed him away the week before. So he harassed me on text, Snapchat and Instagram for an entire day telling me that I was in the wrong. Basically he couldn’t handle being turned down EVEN THOUGH HE DID THE SAME FUCKING THING THE WEEK BEFORE. So I had to block him and then worry he was going to come to my house and hurt me. Because being a girl is the worst.” –Alyssa, PA


 

I’m thinking of turning this into a series or something, because I keep getting messages with stories and they’re too good not to share! Have some of your own? Comment them below or email to me! xo, AJ

Here’s Why Dating in NYC is the Actual Worst

Hi friends. I come to you tonight with little rage in my chest. I am seething. And you know why? Because dating in NYC is the fucking worst! And you know why that is? Because MEN are the FUCKING WORST. Follow me, won’t you?

I’ll admit it, I was very, very spoiled in my last relationship. Patrick was a complete and total gentleman when we were first seeing each other, and asked me to be his girlfriend after only 4 dates. You know why? Because he didn’t want to play games. He was worried that if he waited too long, he would miss his shot. THAT, my friend, is a man. Did things work out for us? For a little over a year, they did. We really only broke up because of distance and because we didn’t agree on a few major lifestyle changes that would need to be compromised on. But he certainly respected, valued and cared for me the entire time. And not ONCE did he not text me back. Not. Once.

So it’s almost like I feel bad for the men of New York to have to compete against this, except I don’t feel bad at all because how Patrick acted is how all men should act because that is what I like to call HUMAN DECENCY. Unfortunately, the wonderful (HA) island of Manhattan seems to be seriously lacking in that right now. And you know what? I’m thinking it’s time that I expose them all. I’m here to spill some serious tea. Ready for it?

First up, we have Mike. A 26 year old teacher + coach from NJ that I met on Hinge. Before you judge me, literally every single person I know in this city is on Hinge/The League/ Bumble/ Etc. so BYE. Ok so yes, Mike and I met on Hinge and even though he lives 30 minutes away in Jersey, he offered to come to my neighborhood to go out to dinner. I didn’t really care one way or the other about it, but he was cute and I’m always down for a free meal, so I went. And I was so happy I did! He was even cuter in person, he held my hand when we left the restaurant, and he kissed me goodnight – it gave me butterflies! Over the next two weeks, Mike came to see me 3 more times. Sure, he wasn’t a great texter, but driving an hour roundtrip to see me four times in 12 days has to count for something, right? Especially when I wasn’t sleeping with him. We went out to dinner, went out to an arcade-type bar, went bowling, etc. He even agreed to watch The Bachelor with me every Monday. Did he make attempts to get into my LuLu Lemons? Of course he did. But I said that I don’t do that unless I’m exclusive with someone. So Mike tells me he’s not talking to any other girls. Music to my ears ladies. For our fifth date, I drove out to see him. We watched a movie, watched The Bachelor and yup – we hooked up. It just felt right! Wanna know what happened after that? I’m guessing you already know, because Mike is a man and as I’ve mentioned, men are the WORST. *SPOILER ALERT* Mike ignored me for two days. Ugh, such a cliche. So I called him out on it. Told him it was super uncool to do that. And to his credit, he responded. And tried to be ~nice~ about it. You know what’s not nice though? Saying 5 dates in that you’re not looking for anything long term. That you’ve felt that way since before you even met me. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are two screenshots of an actual conversation between Mike and I today. I SHIT YOU NOT, KIDS.

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He’s right about one thing, I can certainly do a lot better than him. You know, it’s funny. I was having this conversation with him and crying my eyes out because I was feeling emotional and stupid and second-guessing everything that had happened between us so I called my mom to vent. And she’s the one who encouraged me to write this post and put this guy on blast. She called it “Taylor Swifting” him. Mom, you are the fucking BEST.

Also, here are two actual Bumble messages I received today. It turns out it’s not just Mike who sucks super hard. It’s men as a species. Ladies, remember that the next time you’re feeling like you’re not good enough. It’s truly the men who are so wildly unworthy.

 

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Ok Josh, what part about the section in my bio that explicity says “If you really wanna impress me, try holding a conversation without sneaking in any sexual innuendos. 9/10 guys on here can’t” makes you think I’d be down for this? UGH.

And then we have James, who honestly sounds like he needs counseling, not Bumble. James, I’m rooting for you, bud.

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Anways, there’s so much more where this came from, but I’ll save it for a rainy day. I feel like a Kardashian right now, with all my receipts. Whatevs. I’m off to take a bubble bath and eat a carton of Coconut Bliss because I’M STILL ON FREAKING WHOLE30 AND CAN’T EVEN PROPERLY FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF AND CRY INTO A PINT OF BEN AND JERRYS.