I know I typically write really sarcastic pieces about things that often are relatively insignificant – the best hair product for your color-treated hair, what exercise class to try out, and cardio playlists, to name a few. Contrary to what the overall vibe of my blog may lead you to believe, I also spend a lot of my time thinking about things outside of health and beauty and how to throw shade at my boss through the written word (kidding! I don’t do that, plz don’t fire me!) That said, I wanted today’s post to be different, because what I have to say is important.
I’m a 24 year old woman in New York City. Most days, I find success in just getting out of bed and getting through work unscathed. A lot of days, I feel like I’m not good enough. I’m writing this because it was only recently that I really started to believe I’m not alone in that. How many of us have gotten up on a Monday morning and started the day by going through the motions of figuring out what to wear that will hide those 7 lbs you’ve been meaning to lose, and rummaging through to find the concealer that will best hide the dark circles under your eyes from the lack of sleep you’ve been getting? You hop in your car or on the subway, get yourself to work and start on cup 1 of 3 coffees for the morning. Go through emails, go to meetings and somehow it’s 6pm and you head out for the night. And then you go home and you’re almost afraid to be alone with your thoughts because you know that between bites of chicken + rice and re-run episodes of Friends, the thought that you aren’t doing enough keeps creeping back. For me, I live a minimum of 75% of my days thinking that at any moment, the jig is up- the world will suddenly realize that I have no f*cking idea what I’m doing most of the time. Yes, I have a good handle on what I do at work and yes, I have a decent idea day to day of how to execute what needs to get done. But when I think of myself long-term – 5 years, 2 years, even 6 months down the road, and the thought of where I’m going to be can really terrify me.
You’re NOT Crazy
I used to think that I was crazy for thinking this way. That if someone could read my thoughts, they’d think something was wrong with me. I’ve been living the post-grad/ Real World life for almost three years now, and I sometimes still think to myself, “who am I going to be when I grow up?” Does that feeling ever go away? When? Surely it can’t be like this forever – at some point, I’ll just wake up one morning and feel like I have it together. Right?
The point of this post is for me to let you know that you are not alone. I didn’t realize this for myself until pretty recently, when I found myself explaining these scary thoughts I was having to one of my friends, my eyes full of tears and my heart full of shame for even thinking like this. The idea of exposing myself left me feeling pathetic. I so wish that I had brought this up sooner, because I quickly learned that I wasn’t the only who feeling this way – far from it. It turns out most of my friends felt similarly. We’re all worried about taking a risk and going for a new job. Because “it won’t look good on our resumes if we’re job-hopping”. What’s the alternative to not moving on to a new job? Being miserable for the next 2-4 years of your life. Do you really want to wake up at 27, or 30 or 32 and think, damn I’m really happy that I stuck it out at a place I hated all this time? Probably not. And you know what else? If you want to move on to a company that you’re passionate about, that will show in your cover letters and interviews! People will feel your energy and understand you’re serious.
He’s Just Not That Into You
The same goes for friendships and relationships. I’m so sick of seeing people I love tolerate things they don’t deserve. I’m guilty of this myself, and I hate it – it’s one of the qualities that I like least about myself. How many times have you really cared for someone, so you excused their poor behavior and the ways they treated you when it was less than what you deserved? Let me tell you something. You. Are. Worth. It. Do not EVER let someone make you feel like you aren’t all that and a bag of chips, because you ARE. You deserve someone who feels like they’re lucky to have you – like you matter to them. You don’t deserve to feel unworthy of someone’s love – that’s absolute bullshit. And believe me, I know it’s easier said than done. I know you can stare at your phone and tell yourself you won’t text them first, that you don’t care. And I also know that willpower doesn’t stand a chance against your heart, and that 9/10 times, you’ll end up texting them anyway. But when the texts go unanswered and they leave you on read, don’t even for one second think it’s because you’re not enough. You are ABSOLUTELY enough. And believe me, there’s someone out there who’s waiting for you. I promise. For me? I was dumped on my birthday. Two days later, I met the most amazing guy I’ve ever know. I truly didn’t know that men like this actually existed in 2017. My boyfriend actually goes out of his way to do things that show he cares. Even when we argue (because literally nobody on the face of this earth has ever had a perfect relationship with no arguing and if they tell you they have, they’re lying), he’s extremely respectful. He doesn’t yell, cuss or try to put me down. We both do our best to explain our viewpoints while trying to understand where the other is coming from. Ladies, it IS possible to be treated like this – but you need to respect yourself in order for someone else to respect you.
Let me tell you a story: My parents met in college, were married just after my mom turned 22, and I was born a month after her 23rd birthday. They were divorced before I was 3 years old. Before they got married, they’d been engaged… twice. My mom broke off the first engagement and I remember being in high school hearing this for the first time, and thinking it was really weird that two people would break off an engagement and then get back together and get married (LOL these were the days before I had the glorious high school experience of on-off relationships. So innocent. So naive). Anyway, she told me that the reason they got back together is because she was so worried that she’d end up alone, eating dinner across the table from my grandparents when she was 45. At the time, I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes and was like, that’s literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. But you know what? I get it now. I understand the fear of feeling like, holy shit. Maybe there’s nobody out there who’s going to love me for the rest of my life. I had this whole timeline when I was little that I’d be married at 26, have my first of four kids by 27 and be wealthy and live in a big house and not have to be a working mom. JOKES ON ME, GUYS! I’m 24.5 years old and I just barely have my shit together.
Count Your Wins
But you know what? Maybe just barely having my shit together is enough right now. There’s days where I call my mom crying that I’m living in NYC and barely able to save any money, or that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. There’s nights where I call my best friend crying that I’m never going to find my soulmate. But then I take a step back and I think about what I’ve done in these last 24 years, and it’s pretty awesome.
So here you go. Here’s a list of some of the things I’ve done that I’m proud of:
- I started off freshman year of college super rocky and almost failed out… and then I studied my ass off and got 3.7s and 4.0s and graduated from the University of Kentucky with a 3.5 GPA
- I tried out for the University of Kentucky Women’s Choir, made it, and then traveled throughout England and Ireland for 2 weeks on a tour with these women, singing in theaters and cathedrals that are world-famous.
- I survived living in a 5 bedroom house with just me and 12 guys for 2 years in college (it’s the little things*)
- I got a grown-up job in NYC before I even graduated college
- I moved to NYC right after I graduated and just did the damn thing
- I won an award for being the top performer at my first job less than a year after I started
- I moved on to a different company, in a job with a different industry, and excelled (note without a LOT of bumps in the road, but I did it)
- I’ve spend time in other countries getting to explore every year (and I’m going to Scotland by myself in September!)
- I’ve made some of the most amazing friends I could ever have imagined.
Sometimes, you need to make a list for yourself. Little reminders that you’re doing a great job. That you’re seeing things, meeting people, challenging yourself. If you truly hate your job, move on. If the guy you’ve been hooking up with for the last year keeps making excuses on why you guys aren’t official, move on. As my favorite movie, He’s Just Not That In To You, would say, you’re not the exception – you’re the rule. He’s probably not going to wake up one day and randomly realize he’s in love with you. But you know what? There’s someone out there who won’t need a year. There’s someone out there who will know after the first date that they’re never going to want to let you go. There’s a job out there that will make you feel like you’re really contributing every day. These are the things that are worth pursuing. Just know that at the end of the day, someone loves you. Someone appreciates you. And you are, without a doubt, enough.